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Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Never the Hero (PitchOn Pre-Event Pitch Workshop)

As part of the build-up to PitchOn people were offered the chance to send in their 50-70 word pitches to get feedback PRIOR to entering them in the contest. YOU CAN STILL ENTER TO HAVE YOUR PITCH WORKSHOPPED. Here's the post with the deets.

Remember this is a blog hop - be sure to go visit the other host blogs and comment/help other entrants hone their pitches. AND for each critique you leave in the comments of the blogs, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from one of the following: Sharon Johnston, Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz, Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn and Kaitlin Adams. Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques! The opportunity ends 10/14/2012.

UPDATED PITCH:
Nineteen-year-old Krystin has always been told she’d be the hero who would team up with her true love to prevent a war that would make armageddon look like child’s play. But Krystin doesn’t believe it, and her “true love” almost died last year by her hands. It was an accident and now Krystin must reunite with him despite everything, or risk starting the very war she was supposed to prevent.

First revision:

Nineteen-year-old Krystin learned lessons about being a hero the hard way: be moral, don’t kill, and most of all, don’t let your friends get caught in the crosshairs. Krystin failed at all three. Now she must repair her relationship with her old flame, Shawn, to fulfill their prophecy for Good and save an ancient city from destruction, or risk starting a war that will make armageddon look like child’s play.

Original pitch for Never the Hero:

Title: Never the Hero
Genre: YA Contemporary Fantasy
Word-count: 61,000
Pitch: A year after she almost killed him and the rest of their demon-hunting team, nineteen year old Krystin discovers the prophecy she and her ex-boyfriend Shawn are a part of is coming true. They are left with a single choice: reunite and fight to save an ancient city from an evil darker than they were trained to handle, or walk away laughing, possibly starting the Final War for all sides.

Okay here's my line by line take:

A year after she almost killed him and the rest of their demon-hunting team, nineteen year old Krystin discovers the prophecy she and her ex-boyfriend Shawn are a part of is coming true.

One: this is a really long sentence with a LOT of information in it. Two: you shouldn't use pronouns like 'she' and 'he' until you introduce the characters. So *just* changing the pronouns, it now reads:

A year after nineteen-year-old Krystin almost killed her ex-boyfriend and the rest of their demon-hunting team, she discovers the prophecy they are a part of is coming true.

That's a little tighter. Think about tightening this further by making the two parts into distinct sentences I pulled something from later in the pitch to show a sample of 'how':

A year ago nineteen-year-old Krystin almost got her ex-boyfriend and the rest of their demon hunting team killed. Now she discovers (HOW?) an evil darker than even the demons they were trained to handle making its insidious way into an ancient city. A sign the prophecy joining them is...

Not a big fan of coming true. Maybe just true?

Okay let's look at the next line:

They are left with a single choice: reunite and fight to save an ancient city from an evil darker than they were trained to handle, or walk away laughing, possibly starting the Final War for all sides.

First when you have a 'choice' then it can't be a single choice, it could be a set of choices or two options, but not a single choice because if it's single it's not a choice. Then... they'd walk away laughing that the entire world was going to fall into the chaos of war?? That doesn't make them at all sympathetic. It might be the only chance they have of saving their lives, but if that's the case you need to say *that*, IMO. Also, just me probably, not a big fan of for all sides, since right now you have two sides: her/her team vs the bad guys.

Her choices are limited, reunite with her ex and attempt a fight they cannot win, or walk away alive and know their world could be plunged into the darkness of war.

When it's put all together you get (trimmed to get close to 70 words!):

A year ago nineteen-year-old Krystin almost got her ex-boyfriend, Shawn, and her teammates killed. Now she discovers an evil darker than the demons they pursue making its insidious way into the city, a sign the prophecy joining her and Shawn is true. Her choices are limited, reunite with her ex and a face an enemy she cannot kill, or walk away alive and know war will overtake their world.

Actually, while that cleans up what you had I think it needs more oomph. Not sure you're showing enough of the rise of the conflict within your story. I'll be curious what others have to say.

Of course, it's just ONE opinion. Let's see what others have to say. :-)

Oh, and if this is YOUR pitch and you want to revise and have me post it, just drop me a line (my email is my blog title - elliewrites2 - in front of a gmail.com ending) and I'll add it up to the top.

Don't forget to visit the other blogs and leave a critique to be entered for a chance to win one of several start-of-manuscript or query critique opportunities.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Staring with Amber (PitchOn Pre-Event Pitch Workshop)

UPDATED PITCH 10/1:

Title: Starting With Amber <--- note change
Genre: Contemporary YA
Word-count: 50,000

Teenage Seth and his family are thrown into a media feeding frenzy when his child-star sister is abducted from their grandios family home. As the investigation deepens and the time for finding his sister runs out, Seth must decide if being the only person who knows where she is and why is worth the price of the family secrets.

So here is the ORIGINAL PITCH of Staring with Amber:
Title: Staring With Amber
Genre: Contemporary YA
Word-count: 50,000
Pitch: A brutal abduction of a child star. A media feeding frenzy. Everyone is asking where Annalise is, but there seem to be a whole lot of other answers coming up instead, because everyone in town has a secret, and they're all connected to each other, one way or another. Only teenager brother Seth knows where his sister really is and why.

~~~
Before I suggest anything I just had a couple of general comments.

One, I'm not sure about the title. How does one use amber to stare? Plus there's no reference to Amber at all in the pitch. Was there, perhaps, a typo? Is the title supposed to be Starring with Amber, which make a little more sense as you do have a child 'star', although I'm not quite sure who Amber is. I think having some link to the title in the pitch is helpful.

Length is a bit on the short side but not unreasonably short. (The Swivet has a great post on *her* take on genres and novel lengths which I've found really helpful. Yes, it's just one agent's 'take' but still useful, IMO.)

Okay, onto the meat.

This seems to be a pitch about someone who is abducted, the underbelly of the town (she was abducted in? she grew up in?) and, oh, she has a brother who knows where she is and why.

Line by line break down:

A brutal abduction of a child star.
Is this person the main character? If so you might want to say 'teenage star'. If not then you may need to rewrite this. Right now, given she's the first person I'm introduced to AND she's the focus of these first couple of sentences, I'm thinking Annalise is the main character.

A media feeding frenzy.
I'm not sure you need this here. You may be better served to put it later and tie it into the 'answers coming up'.

Everyone <-- This is too vague, you need a specific person/entity. For instance you could merge this with the previous sentence and say 'The Media is asking...'.

is asking where Annalise is, but there seem to be a whole lot of other answers coming up instead, because everyone in town has a secret, and they're all connected to each other, one way or another.
You need to break this sentence down into smaller, clearer bits:
is asking where Annalise is,

but there seem to be a whole lot of other answers coming up instead,
I found this awkwardly phrased. And, to be honest, I'm not sure what this has to do with your main character, Annalise. I think you need to keep your focus on her, not what is going on around her, unless there is a direct tie?

because everyone in town has a secret,
Connect this in someway to the story--> say Seth is keeping a secret, his sister's whereabout or some to tie this to the main character. Right now the focus is on the town and the people, and not the journey of your protagonist.

and they're all connected to each other, one way or another.
I love this idea, but you should tighten it, make it more impact by making it visual --> and they're all connected like threads in a spider's web OR, again, making it relevant to the protagonist --> And Annalise's secret is the one they can't afford to have uncovered.

Only ~~teenager~~ brother Seth knows where his sister really is and why.
I think you need a stronger ending here, leave us with what BAD thing would happen if the secret comes out and wondering what the lengths are people are willing to go through to keep it hidden perhaps. Or tell us more about why Seth is keeping this secret and his stake in the outcome of either her remaining hidden or being found.

Going on what you have (and not having a clue on the rest of the book -- I apologize in advance if this is way off!) here's a possible rewrite:

When teen star Annalise is kidnapped only her brother Seth knows the truth of where she is and why. As the media frenzy builds and journalists uncover secrets their town wants hidden, they must decide if Annalise's secret is theirs to tell. Or if keeping the truth hidden is worth the price their friends and family are paying.

Still not sure that shows enough of her journey, but it's a jumping off point if you want to use it. Again, I don't know the story so this could be terribly off!

Now, that's just ONE opinion. Let's see what others have to say. :-)

Oh, and if this is YOUR pitch and you want to revise and have me post it, just drop me a line (my email is my blog title - elliewrites2 - in front of a gmail.com ending) and I'll add it up to the top.

Don't forget to visit the other blogs and leave a critique to be entered for a chance to win one of several start-of-manuscript or query critique opportunities.

Monday, September 24, 2012

SUBMISSION WINDOW FOR #PITCHON WORKSHOP - now open!

Workshops for Get Your Pitch On start on October 1, and....

Window to submit your workshop pitch is open now!

But don't freak out if you missed the original post on 9/24, at this time we don't have a set deadline given the large number of spaces available. (Each host blog has set the number of pitches they can host. Only once those spots are full will the submission window close.) Of course you'll want to get your pitch into the workshop in well before 10/15 when pitches will be taken on both Down Under Wonderings and YAtopia to skip the slush pile and get your story in front of Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado.

How to submit:

Email your draft pitch to pitchonws@gmail.com and include PitchOnWS and the title of the manuscript in the subject line. Pitches must follow the formatting as specified for the Get Your Pitch On contest. Guidelines are here and you can see the list of blogs participating here.

(FYI: Example email subject line: PitchOnWS Looking for Alaska)

Important Rule:
If you want to participate in a workshop, you must critique at least ONE other pitch. Want an incentive for doing even more? Head on over to the other host blogs to critique more pitches. For each critique you leave in the comments, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from one of the following: Sharon Johnston, Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz, Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn and Kaitlin Adams. Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques! The opportunity ends 10/14/2012.

A little more detail on the mechanics of the workshop:
Pitches will be posted on blogs and comments will be made with comments & suggested corrections for the pitch. ON MY BLOG (everyone is doing this a little differently) if you email me with an UPDATED pitch, I will do my best to change your post to reflect the new one.

A strong suggestion: When you find your pitch make a comment and/or 'subscribe' to comments so you can keep track of what is being said. When you make comments on someone's pitch you might want to do the same!

An important heads up:

An interview with Commissioning and Managing Editor of Hardie Grant Egmont, Marisa Pintado, will be coming up soon on Down Under Wonderings so that you have an idea what she's looking for. Pitches will be taken on both Down Under Wonderings and YAtopia on October 15th. The exact contest opening times will be included posts that day (although there may also be a sneak bit of information at the interview!).

Good luck everyone!

p.s. Here's an excellent article on ways to approach your log line/pitch and keep it concise: The logline—Who needs it? How do I write one? by Kelly Whitley

Saturday, September 22, 2012

9/22: Upcoming Pitch/Query Contests from Around the Web: #pitchon #gutgaa #bakersdozen #pitchlive

Ready? Here's the line-up of pitch events I am aware of coming down the pike. Remember, if you know of more just comment here or tweet me at EllieWrites2 and I'll add. I've only copied little snips of information from each blog. Be sure to click through for full details!

PITCH EVENTS HAPPENING NEXT WEEK:

On Monday, September 24, Miss Snark's First Victim is having the first of MANY rounds and levels of entry for her very popular Baker's Dozen Contest:

It's here! Well, almost. Welcome, everyone, to the season of the third annual BAKER'S DOZEN AGENT AUCTION! For the newcomers: The Baker's Dozen Agent Auction is MSFV's biggest event of the year. 60 250-word entries, hand-picked by Jodi Meadows and Authoress, will be placed on the auction block for agents to bid on (with requests for pages, up to a full manuscript request). It bears the name "Baker's Dozen" because the original auction in 2010 included 13 agents--a baker's dozen. The actual auction is in December, but the fun starts NOW!

The first round of #PitchOn will start on September 24 as well, with a chance to enter the pitch workshop. (My other blog will one of the hosts!):

Just as it's important to get someone else to look over your manuscript before you query, it's a good idea to get feedback on your pitch before you post. We have about twenty blogs who are ready to help you hone your pitch. These workshops start on October 1.

At the end of the week, on Friday, September 28 Deana Barnhart has the GUTGAA small press contest:

Friday: Small Press Pitch Contest Call for Entries - There will be one window for entries--at 11AM EST. I will accept a max of 100 entries. To enter the small press pitch contest you will need to paste in the body of an email the query and first 150 words of your completed manuscript and send it to gutgaa(at)gmail(dot)com. Go HERE for details about what I mean by query and first 150 words as well as the format for entries. I will take entries until 11:59 PM EDT or until I get 100 entries. I will post the format directions on this day as well.

Brenda Drake is hosting ANOTHER Pitch event in October but you can sign up NOW. Be ready to put yourself out there! #PITCHLIVE is all about 'live', or in this case video, pitches.

I'm so excited to announce PITCH LIVE! What is it, you ask? It's a video of your best elevator pitch to an agent. I wanted to give you guys enough time to produce a video of an elevator pitch for your finished novels, so I'm posting this now. We already have a couple agents signed up to view the top 30 videos (if we get that many), but there will be more agents. I'll announce the agents in a post soon. The contest is for Adult, New Adult, Young Adult, and Middle Grade fiction. The elevator pitch should be creative, as if you ran into an agent at a conference.

OCTOBER EVENTS:

In addition to Pitchon and Bakers Dozen which will be continuing into October, I've found the following events: Hook, Line and Sinker! Details here (Kat Ellis' blog) For Hook, Line & Sinker.

That's right kids, on October 13th the entry window opens at 11AM EDT! Take your entries to the appropriate blog based on category. Dee is hosting Middle Grade at www.writeforapples.com, Summer will be hosting the party for Adult at www.Fizzygrrl.com and I'll be hosting Young Adult right here:http://katelliswrites.blogspot.com! There'll be details on what your entry should include COMING SOON. And here is where it gets real, yo. We have agents coming to play. Oh yeah, that's right. Real, live, top drawer agents will be coming by to make requests!

Now, we can't tell you who just yet, but we will say that you can't count them all on one hand...

This Writers World & Plot Bunnies will be hosting a Spooktacular Pitch Event in October as well:

Here are the details I know you're burning to know. The Spooktacular Pitch Extravaganza will open for submissions on October 13 at 8am EDT and stay open until October 16 at 12am EDT. On October 17 I will pull 50 names and have you email me your pitches to a special contest email then. So make sure you check back on October 17!

"What do we have to do?"

Great question! Polish and spit-shine your 3 line pitch (no word limit. Just 3 lines only. If you go over 3 lines, you'll be disqualified and someone else will take your spot) and the first 250 words of your finished and polished ms (if it ends in the middle of a sentence, feel free to go to the end of that sentence.) This contest is open to Adult, Young Adult, New Adult and Middle Grade fiction so bring it on!

Again, these blogs along with Cupid's Literary Connection frequently have pitch events. Follow them, subscribe to their feeds and you can be 'in the know' for when the next one comes up. And don't forget Savvy Author. You can sign up for free, and take advantage of pitch opportunities there as well (they had a huge event for paying members recently too and seem to on a bit of a break).

Entering any of these can help you get one step closer to becoming published. Wishing everyone luck! (me too!)

If you've never done a query contest Sticking To The Story has a wonderful post on what to expect and how to get ready. Even if you've done them before there's LOTS of helpful information there.

p.s. There are many blogs which host pitch contests for single agents. For instance We Do Write has a monthly one (coming up soon!). ***Note: This post is duplicated on my other blog as well. I will be transferring this content there slowly.

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